![]() If I do go the porn route, I watch about 10 seconds of a variety of videos, get disgusted, switch, try another, switch, until I give up and then half-heartedly try to make one work. If I'm using a vibrator I blast Grimes because that definitely covers up the low humming noise. Recently I've stopped being lazy and invested in vibrators, cheap ones that die quickly and then an expensive one that was faulty (the manufacturer is still slowly going about replacing). My doors don't lock, so my ears are really alert. Lights off or a small light on, blankets pulled suspiciously high up on my neck, using a hand and reading erotic literature on my laptop like someone who's afraid of a parent or roommate walking in. I like the fantasy more than the reality. Also, although I consider myself straight, I must admit I have an affinity for MMF porn. Either a vibe or anal beads that I'll use in my ass while I get off. I do it straight up most often, but my favorite times are when I can use my wife's toys. I'm usually good on the bed looking at porn on Tumblr, or sometimes a movie. Like, I'm not an uptight woman, but sometimes I'll spend hours masturbating and then think, “Man, really wish I had used that time for taxes or something.” The absolute best way to masturbate as a woman is to smoke weed first. It was a New Year's resolution of mine to masturbate at least once a week, which is probably how often I do it. I think it's especially fun to play, like, opera. It's helpful to play music loudly because I have a platonic male roommate. Why do they all wear ear gauges now? I have a vibrator that's sold under the name "Butterfly Kisses," but it's much louder than any butterfly I've ever seen. I am a straight woman, but I pretty much need to watch lesbian porn because the men in porn are such turn-offs. Bad actresses ruin it for me.) If my roommate isn't home I don't go under the blankets, but I still use headphones in case my dead relatives are paying attention.ģ. (My only demand for porn is genuine reactions from any women in the video. I use a vibrator under a lot of blankets to muffle the noise (because I have a roommate) and watch porn with headphones. Granted, I go through so many towels, but hey, it comes with the territory I guess.Ģ. Now, I hump my mattress feverishly, but I’m not a slob: I cover the bed with towels, wash them and replace them afterward (with new ones of course, quite frequently). I think of women when I’m doing this but I never think of myself and a woman having actual sex. I don't really hear of too many guys who hump like I do. ![]() No porn I have images stored in my brain. I cannot reach an orgasm through oral sex, never reached an orgasm through penetrative sex. That’s the only way I can reach an orgasm. Below are 15 insights from anonymous people of various backgrounds, which have been condensed and lightly edited for clarity.ġ. ![]() So, to open up a conversation about the ways we go about getting off when we’re alone (or when we have one or more partners watching, or maybe even a live webcam audience), Salon asked friends and readers to share their personal masturbation rituals. The scene highlighted the fact that individual quirks are what make for “normal” masturbation, but it did so in a way that felt comfortable and humorous for pretty much anyone - whether that person’s masturbation ritual is more, less or equally elaborate. The "Broad City" masturbation sequence was so funny and refreshing for that very reason. Neither my friend nor I preps for "alone time" with oysters and green lipstick as Ilana Wexler does, but that lack of commonality is about the only thing our rituals share - and that’s to be expected.Įxcept maybe it’s not to be expected, because it’s so rare we talk about this stuff. Obviously, that's how it goes with sex and sexuality: Everybody gets off in a unique way, because we are all special butterflies.īut the way that special butterfly-ness carries over to masturbation, and creates all these differences in the ways we get about getting off - well, that’s just fascinating. Of course, this launched us into a half-hour-long discussion of our own masturbatory habits, which vary so much from one another it's almost impressive we have the same genitalia and can both achieve orgasms. "Like, Ilana's masturbation scene at the beginning of that one episode - how could that not be funny everywhere? Who doesn't also have some bizarre, elaborate masturbation technique?" it's just as funny when you are them in real life, which is how I feel," she said. Last Sunday over video chat, my friend Lucia was sharing period jokes from her stand-up act in Barcelona, where she lives, and we got to talking about "Broad City." I asked her the moderately dumb question I ask everyone who watches the show but doesn't live in New York, which is, simply, whether it's as funny to watch from somewhere else, given its focus on the city.
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